You may have noticed chatter about a new app called Tame. While dating apps keep popping up like weeds—and infesting our social feeds with ads—this one is actually getting buzz...but not all positive.
What makes Tame different from other dating apps?
Tame advertises itself as “an online dating app that factors healthy human connection.” The keys to this, per the app, are “pace, accountability, facilitated conversation, and security.” That all sounds nice, right? I’m not single, so I don’t use dating apps, but my friends describe the process as hell: The swiping, small talk, first date, ghosting…“Pace, accountability, facilitated conversation, and security” are probably a welcome relief from that.
But the way Tame aims to achieve those goals is what makes it novel: You only get one match at a time. There is no endless swiping, nor is there chatting with multiple prospective dates. What’s more, if you want to disconnect from someone, you have to explain why before you’re allowed to.
Online, it’s being branded as an “incel app to make women explain themselves,” and even the name is catching heat for being “creepy” and making people wonder if it’s “meant as a verb, as what one does to an animal.” People are riled up in the comments of the app’s Instagram account, tweeting about the app, and—for better or worse—doing half of its advertising for it.
Tame makes you explain why you’re unmatching
Anyone who’s been online in the last few years knows the standard complaints about dating apps, most of which come from women who say men are too forward, bordering on harassing. Unwanted nudes, pushy or creepy messages, or scary in-person interactions are all reasons someone might unmatch another person—and then go about chatting with their other matches.
The criticism here is that Tame could make women explain why they’re uncomfortable to someone they might perceive as hostile or otherwise scary. Plus, the great thing about the other apps is that you have so many options and can talk to people until you find someone with whom you vibe. This really slows that down. Even in real life, you’re not expected to only meet one person at a time.
Tame says it works to rectify “a clear imbalance between genders” that appears on most dating apps by “maintain[ing] a fair ratio.” There are, at times, wait lists for people who sign up for straight matches and dating.
“Policies designed to appeal squarely and exclusively to the worst heterosexual men on the planet, and they’re promising gender parity,” scoffed one Twitter user.
What does Tame say?
The app’s creators have responded to the backlash, pointing out that when a person wants to end a chat, they do have the option to select a reason like “no spark” or “prefer not to say” instead of expanding on why they’re dipping out. If you choose “negative behavior” as your reason for disconnecting, the app promises to “thoroughly investigate” the report.
So, while this is definitely unorthodox, the concerns about being forced to disclose details of your disinterest are at least a little overblown. If you hate swiping and meeting up with a ton of new people, something with a slower pace like this might actually be for you. Like other specialty dating apps, however, there are identity verifications and, once you’re granted access, you have to pay for a subscription. (The app says your subscription will be extended for free if you pay but don’t have a match at billing time.)
If this doesn’t sound like your speed, here’s a rundown of 13 other apps you can try for hooking up, dating, or whatever you are into.